Collection of Thoughts – Am I Good or Bad? (neither) # 2

  

               September 1, 2020

            October 1, 2020






I’ve cheated. 

More than once. It didn’t help that, most times it happened, I would have already finished a whole bottle of red wine. But I am not going to blame the alcohol for my actions. I knew what I was doing. Furthermore, the thrill, the excitement about the possibility of getting caught, and the idea that it was happening right under everyone’s nose made me experience the adrenaline rush that gets us hooked to some bad behaviors. The pounding of the heart and the secrecy of it all made it even more enticing to continue with it. The partners in the game of Spades varied and I shamelessly corrupted every single one of them, except for Jimmy, even though I will always claim that his wife was the one who sparked that behavior in me. (It was already in me though…)

The mischievousness of the act carried such a power that I was unstoppable. I would giggle during the game as I would switch the cards from the trick right in front of me while the opponents were blissfully unaware of my tactics. It didn’t help that they were also on their second bottle of wine.

There were no limits to my actions: from stealing the opponent’s trick, laying on the table right next to me, to flipping some of my cards in my hands so they became perfectly visible to my partner, to passing more than one card on a blind-nil-with-a-pass, forcing my partner, under sweaty, nervous brows, to pass two cards back to me as well - all cheats were fair game in my mind.

Weirdly enough, part of the fun was to later either confess to the cheat or to get caught amidst their outrage. But we never played Spades for money. Also, we have a very silly and playful group of friends who did not take these games seriously. As a matter of fact, it became a group joke. It became part of the game for a while.  Some of my opponents would spend the whole time trying to catch me in the act. It added another layer of excitement to our already very exciting evenings. 

The games happened more often after Katrina, on our porch, fueled by wine, silliness, and the need to be among loving people after the storm… until my liver gave me a warning.

We haven’t played Spades in a while, but we still joke about those moments.

If I am to play again I will stick to my motto: I’d rather cheat on Spades and lose, than win fair-and-square.

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